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:iconjustshayde:

~justshayde

Beckah Cloutier
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About Me Literature / Artist Member Beckah CloutierFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership
 Statistics 79 Deviations 68 Comments 1,156 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

dance party i wanted to pause that
moment, wrap it up tightly
for each of us to carry
back with us from our
campsite. snug it in between
our hairbrushes, sunscreen,
bug spray and water bottles.

a strong techno beat rolled
from the van's speakers as
the twelve of us inside
bounced the vehicle moving
to the beat, energized by
struggles, victories, the water
and air and orange-pink-

red sunset. And then, as if
it had somehow been planned,
others appeared next to our
van arms in the air
feet moving bodies to the
beat. we were conscious
of energy and each other but

not self conscious of our-
selves, our bodies, our demons.
it was just dance party by ~justshayde
0 Comments
it was just a joke it was just a joke

it was just a joke, telling you that yes i’d
marry you dressed in plaid mini, our
wedding themed pimps & school girls.
& just a joke saying that sure i’d move
‘cross the country with laptop & ferrets
in a stick shift saturn dodging border
checks to get through to my final
destination. & yeah, just a joke when
i told you with a wink & dimples & cheeky
grin that we’d have the most beautiful
babies. & in every joke there’s some
bit of truth too & i really would. i’d
marry you in a plaid mini throwing
a pimps & school girls themed wedding
to shock of our families & amuse our
frieit was just a joke by ~justshayde
0 Comments
momma showed me momma showed me

growing up my momma always said “trust,
but not too much” she showed me, told me,
i could only depend on four others, rest of
the world would hurt me deep & cut & scar
in ways that couldn’t be seen by the eyes. &

i listened, mainly, for thirty-one years, not even
really trusting the four i thought i could: her,
daddy, sister, & brother. i folded into myself
everything i could, learning the fine art of
deception i made people think i confided

secrets in them when i really didn’t let them in,
let them see the real me. i believed if no one
saw me bleed, saw me wince, saw the cracks
of weaknessmomma showed me by ~justshayde
0 Comments
them bones them bones

protruding bones beneath pale skin:
ribs, shoulder blades, vertebra, pelvic bones
all looking for attention from curious finger tips

i count my ribs scratching paper thin skin
as i slide my hands up my chest
right-one & two & three & four & -
left-one & two & three & four & -

i press into the shoulder joint on my left
feeling bones connect with the fingers of my
right hand, pain radiates from the joint, from
the pressure, but i keep poking deeper into
tender flesh to feel the connection of the joint

hands on hips i smile when i feel the skeletal
form press into my palms. - & then, a tear as
i feel the guilt settle inthem bones by ~justshayde
1 Comment
Browse Gallery

nope, i'm not dead

:iconjustshayde:

considering that it's been over a year since i've been on this thing i am guessing many people thought that i was either:

a: dead

b: suffering from amnesia

c: victim of a random zombie -napping.

none of the above are true. what is true is that my eating disorder had me spiraling out of control. i was very sick and it took all of my energy to get up, go to work, paste on that happy face, and function. which is no good at all.

but, i'm even considering paying to use this site, so maybe that would encourage me to be online more?

maybe.
No Comments
  • Mood: Affection
  • Listening to: key clacks
  • Reading: my thoughts
  • Watching: the clock
  • Playing: this morning at 6am over and over in my head
  • Eating: nuthin'
  • Drinking: water
nope, i'm not dead July 20, 2010 No Comments No Favourites
More Journal Entries

deviantID

for now:

i'm just a poet, with a pen, & something to say.

working on a novel, a book of poetry, & an in the moment memoir at the same time. finishing an MFA at hamline university while working in cube-ville corporate america.

besides being in love with writing i enjoy photography. i haven't done much with it in recent years, but i fell in love with it back in high school after being evicted from french class. as my memoir progresses i'm moving back into photography to help chronicle my journey.

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: blaine, mn
  • deviantWEAR sizing preference: medium
  • Interests: anything that'll make a good story, poem, anectdote, or blog
  • Favourite movie: currently: wall-e
  • Favourite band or musician: bon jovi, u2, & jimmy eat world
  • Favourite genre of music: just 'bout everything
  • Favourite artist: mc escher
  • Favourite poet or writer: stephen king, octavio paz, etheridge knight
  • Favourite photographer: ansel adams
  • Operating System: mac
  • MP3 player of choice: ipod
  • Favourite game: brain teasers
  • Favourite gaming platform: nintendo
  • Favourite cartoon character: eeyore, hello kitty, or tinkerbell depending on my mood
  • Personal Quote: in a world full of caterpillers it takes balls to be a butterfly
  • Tools of the Trade: macbook air, blue ink pens, & any spare scrap of paper

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Comments


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:icondeckfootballinak:
~deckfootballinak May 16, 2009
thanks for the faves a long time ago
Reply
:iconsurfnmurf333:
!surfnmurf333 Apr 22, 2009
Thank you for the 2 favs! I appreciate it! :)

--
"A Look of hope is in her eyes the rose in her hand
Tells no lies, for its in the heart you see
That beauty of purity, love & tranqulity."
M.Escamillo

:heart: & :peace:
Reply
:iconanurbannomad:
=AnUrbanNomad Apr 13, 2009  Student Writer
Thank you so much for the :+devwatch:

--
I'll eat you up I love you so.
- KW, Where the Wild Things Are
Reply
:iconjustshayde:
~justshayde Apr 15, 2009
you're very welcome.

cheers,
beckah

--
we tend to get what we expect -norman vincent peale
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
*Scarlettletters Mar 20, 2009   Writer
Thanks very much for taking the time to view and fav my work. Your support is appreciated!

--
We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.
Carl Jung

Wordsmiths new website: [link]
My site: [link]
Reply
:iconjustshayde:
~justshayde Apr 1, 2009
you're very welcome.

cheers,
beckah

--
we tend to get what we expect -norman vincent peale
Reply
:iconsurfnmurf333:
!surfnmurf333 Mar 19, 2009
Thank you for the fav! I appreciate it! :)

--
"A Look of hope is in her eyes the rose in her hand
Tells no lies, for its in the heart you see
That beauty of purity, love & tranqulity."
M.Escamillo

:heart: & :peace:
Reply
:iconjustshayde:
Mood: Content ~justshayde Apr 1, 2009
you're welcome!

cheers,
beckah

--
we tend to get what we expect -norman vincent peale
Reply
:iconsurfnmurf333:
Mood: Joy !surfnmurf333 Apr 1, 2009
Cheers! :)

--
"A Look of hope is in her eyes the rose in her hand
Tells no lies, for its in the heart you see
That beauty of purity, love & tranqulity."
M.Escamillo

:heart: & :peace:
Reply
:iconlove-is-blind:
~Love-is-blind Mar 19, 2009
hey um lol thanks for the random watch :D

--
I've run out of clever crap to put here! :ohnoes: It's the end of the world...is it not?
Reply
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